Healing the scars

September 20, 2017

Ok, by now you may have gathered that I hold other’s opinions of me in a high regard. And some you may be saying to yourselves, “who gives a F*&% about what others think of you”. Yes, I know that is the road I should be traveling on but I am not quite there yet.  I am however consciously working on it. From a young age I have always been a pleaser. Whether trying to please my father by bringing home all A’s and B’s on my report card, to sparing my own personal feelings as not to hurt others, to taking verbal abuse and put downs from my friends and guys. So as you can imagine, it won’t be an easy habit to break.
In some of my pervious blog posts, I have put myself down quite a bit. Taken the nasty words others have spoken about me and internalized them. But I want you to know that I no longer think that way of myself (not most of the time anyways). I wrote them to give you an idea of the hurt and pain I have endured at the hand of family and friends and sometimes of those who hardly know me. Previous posts were designed to be a build up to explain why I am who I am. While I make no apology for who I am, I do apologize to those I may have hurt along my journey to finding myself. This journey has been long and it has been hard.  Some of the last few years have been as rocky as the red dirt gravel road that  I live on, others exceedingly better  than usual, but still no “smooth sailing” kind of year.  It is tasked upon me to make sure that I grow, heal, make positive changes and trust the Lord God in this process. I want to improve upon the foundation my parents have built within me so I can be the best I can be!

Doubting myself and doubting the process has thus far been my downfall.  Believing what others say about me has led to the destruction of my self-esteem and my self-worth. Now I have known my worth for quite some time, but my firm self-conformations somehow disappear when others disagree about the characteristics they see in me. I take on their negativity and lose all confidence I have. I am learning that no matter what people may say or think, it’s what you think of yourself that matters more. Being able to stand up for oneself , walk around with your head held high, and with intent---shout your worth, is merely the strength from within coming out. You should not give anyone else power over you.
                                                      It will break you, weaken you, and destroy you!

Knowing what I now know, experiencing what I have experienced; going forward I will exude confidence in myself so much that people cannot help but to see my true character. Not because I have put all my stock in what they say about me, but because I have that much stock in myself.  This is the beginning of a wonderful happy life that I am ready to live!

I am capable of achieving greatness.
I am worthy of being loved.
I deserve to be appreciated.
I have strength that even if I fall, I will not fail.
I have faith that I will rise again when hardships come.

I know that I am worth everything God has in store for me and more!

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