When I Saw You!

Monday, December 30, 2019

At first sight.....
His smile was so big. He was full of laughter, but His jokes were oh so corny, yet to me oh so cute. 

I saw his potential. I saw his drive.
I saw his ambition, his eagerness to survive.
I saw his caring nature, full of compassion and love.
I saw his kindness and his tenderness too.
His attentiveness and gentle touch were more than I had ever received.
Took me by surprise and at that moment he was golden to me.

I felt his affection, an instant connection.
Blinded by the thought of love, my whole world came crashin'
Unable to relax, I respond and react, mainly 'cause of the patience I lack.
Eager to be loved, but afraid it will fail. I jumped the broom way too soon....and then made him run.
I blew it all away before it even stood a chance. Even made the mistake of letting him in my pants!

See, I had given up on finding love, told myself it's something I cannot handle. Something I do not deserve. 
I told myself I am unworthy, and I am just 'too much' for any man to handle.
But when I saw him, I saw a glimpse of what I'd been praying for. A smidge of what I've been longing and I wanted him more and more. 

They say when you know you know. I am not saying that I know, it was far too early to tell.
But if you're reading this now.... You know all my efforts have gone to hell!
It's apparent that this spell I'm under will never expel.
The race against time, clearly makes me blind, and I act like I am losing my mind.

I was afraid. I was scared.
I showed him parts of me he wasn't ready to see.
Peel me back layer by layer... I said fuck that, it's all here on this platter. Unaware that doing so would start vibrations and be the beginning of the tumbling tower. 
I was doing too much, way too much. 

Too exited at the possibility of being considered as more than 'one of the boys' or that late night tip.
Too overbearing - demanding more calls, texts, dates- all in all just more attention. 
When I didn't get it, I reacted without thinking and now you give me no chatter at all. 
No calls, no text, and no more dates.
I scared you. I made you afraid.
I'm sure must be thinking 'Yo, this girl is crazy'.

I asked once before...

Can we start again, can we be friends, can we try this thing again....

But now....

Because of my words, and these nasty 'lil swings,
I will never get the opportunity to see what we could be.
No more good graces and no more special places,
I did it again, and now you will no longer consider what we could be ....

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