When I Saw You!

Monday, December 30, 2019
At first sight.....
His smile was big. He was full of humor, but His jokes were oh so corny.
But shortly hereafter, the exchange was made and all the negative faded away.

I saw your potential. I saw your drive.
I saw your ambition, your eagerness to survive.
I saw your caring nature, full of compassion and love.
I saw your kindness and your tenderness too.
Your attentiveness and gentle touch were more than I had ever received.
Took me by surprise and at that moment you were golden to me.

I felt your affection. Then an instant connection.
Blinded by the thought of love, my whole world came crashin'
Unable to relax, I respond and react, mainly 'cause of the patience I lack.
Eager to be loved, but afraid it will fail. I jumped the gun....and then made you run.
I blew it all away before it even stood a chance. Even made the mistake of letting you in my pants!

See, I had given up on finding love, told myself it's something I cannot handle.
I told myself I am unworthy, and I am just 'too much' for any man to handle.
But when I saw you, I saw a glimpse of what I'd been praying for. A smidge of what I've been longing.

They say when you know you know. I am not saying that I know, it was far too early to tell.
But if you're reading this now.... You know all my efforts have gone to hell!
It's apparent that this spell I'm under will never expel.
The race against time, clearly makes me blind, and I act like I am losing my mind.

I was afraid. I was scared.
I showed you parts of me you weren't ready to see.
Peel me back layer by layer... I said fuck that, it's all here on this platter.
I was too much.

Too exited at the possibility of being considered for more than 'one of the boys' or that late night tip.
Too overbearing - expecting calls, texts, dates.
When I didn't get them, I reacted and now you give me no chatter.
No calls, no text, and no more dates.
I scared you. I made you afraid.
I'm sure must be thinking 'Yo B, this girl is crazy'.

I asked once before...

Can we start again, can we be friends, can we try this thing again....

But now....

Because of my words, and these nasty 'lil swings,
I will never get the opportunity to see what we could be.
No more good graces and no more special places,
I did it again, and now you don't even want to be friends.

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