I Didn't Go Looking For You

Thursday, July 2, 2020


I didn't go looking for you! You came looking for me. I didn't know if I was ready to start something new, something different....I didn't know if I was ready for you!

Turns out, in the beginning I wasn't ready. I should have waited until I was. I should have waited until Fairfield was gone. Trying to hold on to the old while trying to build something lasting with the new was clearly not what I needed to do. Storms came too early that neither of us could weather. Emotions and immaturity reared it's head and caused ruckus in the air. The calm came after the storm and I felt things were on a better healthier path. Little did I know a hurricane was brewing straight up ahead.




The phrase ' you never now what someone else is going through' is very true. Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves while others bottle up their emotions and their fears. No matter how you choose to escape life's ups and downs or share what your going through, people will never truly know what you are going through on the inside.

However, expressing yourself through effective communication with someone who is willing and capable of listening to understand rather than to reply or ignore your feelings is the key. When that special person in your life ups and leaves, no explanation and (to you) no known reason, they are NOT considering how their 'ghosting' has negatively effected you. Being grown, yet mentally young, seems to be an acceptable excuse for being unable to communicate with someone you've been involved with for quite sometime. If an issue arises, discuss it. Chances are there was miscommunication along the way. But when those conversations are never had, you leave the other party with a plethora of unanswered questions, feelings that they've done something wrong and unsure of what the future holds for the two of you.



Having a history of walking away, only to return like nothing happened is toxic. You may feel the other person is toxic, when in fact you are also. Playing games with someone's heart really ISN'T a game. Be careful who's heart you play with you never know what may be coming your way.

I didn't go looking for you!
You walked into my life. You invaded my privacy. You delayed my healing. You interrupted my peace. You came looking for me when you knew you weren't ready. You crossed a bridge you knew you would fall from. You swam across an ocean too deep for you to keep afloat. You were weak in the trenches and refused guidance through the forest. I held out my hand, but you only held on when you were 'surviving'. When you began falling from that bridge, when you began drowning in the sea, you let go of my hand, you let go when you needed me the most.

Fun times with the fellas, weekend trips with the gang, rendezvous with other women etc, make for a good time in the moment, but those things are not long lasting. What is long lasting is having someone special to make those memories with. Someone who you know will hold you down and always have your back. Someone who supports your dreams and helps you achieve them. This world we live in is cold and heartless so when you find someone who is behind you 100%, THAT'S who you hold on to!

Proverbs 18:22

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.”

King James Version (KJV)


What are you looking for in a woman? In a partner? In a companion? In a best friend for life? 

What matters most are you and what qualifications, if any, are you seeking from the person you want to grow old with?



Good Black women, and good Black men are a rare commodity in our current society. Our Black men are incarcerated, being gunned down by police, killing each other and themselves. Our Black men are dying from COVID.  Our Black men are making babies and walking out on their families, walking out on our Black women. So I'm asking you to take a better look, a longer look at what's important to you. I am not telling you to rush into love, but take heed to what's right in front of you! Open your eyes young grasshopper and grab hold. You never know when your day well come to depart this earth, do you want to leave here with no legacy to carry your name or to be unconditionally loved and cared for? Do you want to leave here knowing you never made a difference?


  1. “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” -Leo Tolstoy

You have something to say. You have a voice. You are beginning to use that voice to better your community. You are intelligent, funny, affectionate, you are loved! Stop accepting mediocre. Stop allowing great things to pass you by for the simple satisfaction of 'your right now'  social media fame. Leave more than that behind. Leave the greatness that's inside of you. Make a change in this world, like I know you can. But you don't have you do it alone! 



Let the one you came looking for, walk with you on your path to greatness. Create greatness together. Change the world together. Be the next Barack and Michelle..... hell be BamaBoy and Boring Black Girl.... she's qualified!

'There is nothing more beautiful than someone who goes out of their way to make life beautiful for others.'



Remember, I didn't go looking for you, you came looking for me. 

Change only happens when you allow it. Change only happens when you put in the work. Change may not always be what you want it to be, but it's necessary. You've helped change me. You've made me realize I'm much more than I give myself credit for. 

When you came looking for me, I wasn't who you expected me to be. I was more than you could handle. 

When you came looking for me, I still had work to do within me. I didn't know to handle your affection and attentiveness. I had never had it before, it was too much too fast. 

It was rocky at first, but things got better. Time spent was plentiful, laughter, goofiness, and the warmth of your touch were always on my mind, and I thought on yours as well. 

But now I know what I did wrong. Now I know what to do right. Now I've changed. Now I want to be with you...... 

Now I've  gone looking for you........you're no longer looking for me

Maybe it's love. Maybe it's just the pain of you walking away in silence and cutting off all communication with me..... but I'll  never know. 

WE NO LONGER HAVE CHANGE TO MAKE, WE NO LONGER HAVE MEMORIES TO CREATE, WE NONGER HAVE A LEGACY TO LEAVE 
I've gone looking for you..... but you're no longer looking for me



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