Walking Heartbeat

Thursday, February 16, 2023


In 24 hours my life will forever change again. 

I've learned so much. Grown to higher heights. Gained more knowledge, and overcome so many obstacles! 

As I've made these changes over the last several years, I've become the person to uplift and calm others instead of the one breaking down and emotionally out of control. I've learned to trust myself to make better decisions. I've learned to be quicker to think and slower to react. And I've learned to be prayerful and patient, while working towards bettering myself and my life each day. 

As I lay in bed tonight, I'm awakened with anxiety and thoughts of how incredibly surreal this entire journey has been. It's definitely been a whirlwind. It's now coming to an end, yet beginning all over again. 

You are my second. You are my last. I've ridden this bus before. I've steered the car for years. But now I'm overcome with so many fears. More anxious than the first time. More worried about my ability to be the best mom I can be. 

Have I learned from my mistakes? Will I be able to juggle you both? A newborn boy and pre-teen girl. Two different stages in life. Praying for guidance and strength to be what each of you needs whenever you need me to be it. Building bonds as each of you grow, vowing not to ever allow either of you to feel overlooked, left out, or less loved. 

I promise to be attentive to your needs, to accept our similarities as well as our differences. I vow not to stifle your creativity, but to help you find your way. 

I hope to teach you how to treat yourself and others well. To respect yourself and others too. I hope to teach you that in this world, you must work hard to go far and that nothing will be handed to you. I hope to instill great values, morals, love, confidence, and strength within you. I pray I am able to equip you with enough knowledge to help you survive and navigate through life, but also teach you to seek answers and to do research on your own. 

It is my duty to help you understand how to build meaningful relationships. To pray and to trust in God. It is my responsibility to teach you that not everyone will love you or respect you because of who you are, who you become, or simply because of the color of your skin. You may not matter to everyone, but to someone you matter the most! Remember you matter to me. You are my everything. For you and your sister, I'd give anything. 

I promise to do my best to give you all that I can. I promise to be an open door. To be your listening ear, your guiding light, and comfort through any storm. I promise to be considerate, yet honest; forgiving, yet hold you accountable; critical but not cruel or condescending; kind to speak, give you room to make mistakes, and be here any time you fall to pick you up and encourage you to try again.  My grandmomma always told us all "nothing beats a failure but a try".  I'll always remind you of this and be here for you each and every time. 

May you never feel the need to keep things from me, to lie, or to steal. 

May you always feel loved and cared for. 

May you always know you can count on me. 

May you cherish every moment we have together as I will with you. 

May you know that I will from today and every day forth, love you with every beat of my heart. You are a piece of me, a part of me that I won't ever let go. 

Mommy will always and forever love you. 


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