Gotcha Day

Thursday, March 29, 2018

The moment when you hold your child for the first time or look deep into their eyes and feel nothing but pure peace, joy and happiness, is the moment your life changes for forever. 

Parenthood is the most rewarding adventure in this world. It offers so much satisfaction and brings about so many emotions. In an instant a mom can go from smiling and laughing to tearing up as she watches her daughter on stage performing a ballet routine or her son standing on home plate ready for his first t-ball game. The many wonders of motherhood are in abundance and never-ending. 

While these moments are so heartwarming and fulfilling, it is not an experience every woman gets to take part in from the womb. Yes, I know that you do not have to be blood related to be an amazing parent, but for some, it is a dream they have dreamt that may never come true. Numerous doctor visits, multiiple treatments, long days and even longer nights praying for a miracle child to begin growing in their womb are the stories of so many women in this life. Despite the disappointment and heart break, they do not let go of their desire to become parents so they seek out adoption. These women that seek to adopt are some of the most caring, selfless individuals and have chosen to give children the opportunity to be raised in a loving healthy environment that they otherwise may never have been given. They take a chance on these children whom they do not know; they offer their love, their home  and their family to these little ones; often unknowing of their background or the situations in which they come from. If it weren't for a selfless woman like my mom (and my dad), I may have a different story to tell you; but because they did come into my life I am honored to share my story with you.


You Are More Than Enough

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Take a moment and think back to the very first time you dreamt of the idea of being in love, or back to a time when you actually felt love for the very first time. It was magical wasn't it? I am sure that you had that funny feeling of butterflies floating around in your tummy, and that smile that no-one and nothing could erase from your face. Thinking of that person only brought sheer joy to your heart and peace to your soul. Knowing that they were good enough for you, but not knowing you were good enough for them...

When you take a deeper look into what a relationship means between a woman and a man, do you think of it as a partnership? Although I have yet to find this type of love for myself, thats what a relationship means to me. Having someone with whom you can call on in situations of any magnitude who will support you, love you, and someone whom you can trust (and you the same). I have had my share of romantic flings over the years but I never felt as though anyone was "bring home to momma" worthy...until I met this one special guy. Our times together were not always picture perfect, however the overall picture was as close to perfect as I have gotten in my 17 years on the market. In those 17 years, no relationship has taught me the things that this relationship has taught me about myself and being a partner to someone else.

I have learned that being in control of your thoughts, emotions and your tongue play a valuable role in how you are able to communicate with others. Ever felt as though you were being misunderstood, or overly emotional? Yeah, I have too but never thought to look at myself as the reason for the misunderstandings. I was placing the blame on the other party because I felt they misinterpreted my words and my actions on purpose to make me look bad or because they no longer wanted to fulfill the role they were currently playing in my life. Then I discovered that in order to minimize the occurrences of this, it was my job to ensure that I was conveying the right message in the right way. This method has proved to be one of the better changes I have made in my life during the "reconstruction" of myself. Now mind you, I am in the peek of my thirties and STILL SINGLE. I have been on this journey to better myself, for myself and for my future partner (whomever he may be) so that I am ready for the next steps that are coming at me.

Getting back to the point.

I come from a good family, one in which all 16 of my aunts and uncles have a college degree, good jobs, families and live by upstanding morals & values. We are close nit and very supportive of one another in every possible way. I am of the age where I am dreaming more and more of having a husband and family of my own yet every 365 days that goes by and am no closer than I was at 20. I get discouraged that I will ever find that ONE guy I will spend the rest of my life with. Now, like I mentioned, there is a special guy in my life, but he and I are just friends. I care for him deeply, but I can not for certain say that his feelings are reciprocated for me in the same fashion. We have been in each others lives for almost 4 years and he has yet to formally meet any of my family. He and I have had multiple conversations on what we want in a partner, share the same morals, values and opinions on various subjects, yet have not made the move to the next level (and I don't know if we ever will). I get that there are some people that are less comfortable meeting the family if the two of them are not in a committed relationship, however we have clearly established that we are just friends (AND MY FAMILY KNOWS THIS) and he still refuses to take part in any family events or simply meeting the 'rents.

My parents are very down to earth people with open minds and open hearts. They are accepting of all people, even those who have not made the best decisions in life. My parents want the best for me and if my mate comes in the form of a non college educated man they are totally okay with that, just so long as he treats me and my daughter well. This brings me to my friend...He is in his late thirties, old school, hard worker and loves his kids. He did not attend college but is not 'uneducated' by far. He is very intelligent, handsome, employed, an amazing father and just an overall good human being. We went on a road trip recently and engaged in a conversation where relationships were the topic. We talked about why we feel relationships in the black community are not what they were when our parents were our ages, discussed cheating, the influence of social media, and what we each think makes a good relationship last. During this conversation I discretely brought up the fact that I once had a guy friend I was close with that I had invited home to meet my folks and he always came up with a reason or an excuse as to why he was unable to meet them. I told him that my folks are eager to meet him, knowing we are only friends, and that they didn't care about his 'educational history'. I told him that I thought my friend may think he is not good enough to be in the company of my family and/or that they may make him feel uncomfortable. After giving my scenario, my friend responded saying that the guy I was speaking of may think its not that he doesn't feel 'good enough', but maybe because of the difference in the two of us grew up may be the issue. He said something to the effect that maybe I hold him at a higher regard than he holds himself and he doesn't think he'll ever measure up to my expectations. My expectations of what the man in a relationship looks and acts like. I was so thrown off by his response, that I said no more about this particular subject. I allowed myself some time to let it marinate in my head....and thus this post.

Now do you think that a man not feeling worthy enough of being in your life is an excuse to keep you in the friend zone or a true issue of not knowing if he will measure up to the standards that 'he thinks' you hold for your potential mate? I myself am completely flustered on this one. I know that it may be hard to adjust in your mind that there are still good wholesome people in this world, when you have this notion that your expectations for people in general are low. So I can see how the negativity can deter one from opening up because they just simply don't want to be let down yet again! But I want my friend to know that HE IS ENOUGH! He is enough to meet my family without fear of not being accepted. He is enough to be in my life on a level beyond friendship (although I am not going to push or pressure the matter), he is enough to be loved, appreciated and trusted! I do not know what will come of this friendship, but at the very least, I want to remain amazing friends and build the strongest friendship known to man with this man. The things I have learned from him and our dealings with one another have allowed me do rid myself of habits, thoughts and ways that were unbecoming of a 34 year old black woman. Things I would have not learned if God had not placed him in my life at the the time in which he did. I am beyond grateful and want him to know that he is welcomed and worthy of being in my life!



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