No More Trauma, No More Drama

From one extreme to another, driven by the desire to love and be loved. I drove myself in to a frenzy; dancing the same dance-round and round in circles; like living in Neverland-a never ending story.

I am not one to seek much attention from the universe-as I am somewhat timid and shy. Uncomfortable in the mist of unfamiliar territory and those individuals I do not know. Afraid of how others will view me, judge me and label me. I am different. Different in ways that so many people are unfamiliar with and afraid to even try to comprehend.

When in love, or heavy like, I tend to give that person all of me. Literally every drop, leaving myself with nothing. I've been down this road before; young and unaware of the consequences of an abusive relationship and landed myself in the chair of a therapist. Trying to sort out what went wrong and how to get through all the pain and feelings of worthlessness I was feeling. Yet fifteen years later I found myself back in the same scenario; different guy, deeper connection. And let me tell you, the aftermath of the fall out was the most traumatic event I have ever experienced in this short lifetime of mine....

Free to Fly!

On my journey to become a better version of myself, I have been searching and searching for what I feel is missing. On yesterday I attended Easter Sunday church service and was completely moved by the angelic voices of the devotional team, heartfelt utterings from the pastor and most importantly, I was undoubtedly touched by the spirit. As I sat on the pew on the church, I felt this powerful yet gentle wave of wind flow all around and and thru me. The aurora of God had fulfilled me. As I began to pray, the words flowed from my tongue like they have never done before.

"God take away my hurt, my, pain, and the regrets I have from the mistakes I have made. Take away my feelings of worthlessness and failure. Make me whole, give me peace, give me freedom. Show me how to love and be loved".

 I am truly grateful for life, the unforgettable moments that brought me joy, and the life challenging (didn't think I would make it through) obstacles I have had to overcome thus far. Although I thank God for all that I have, all I have lost (that I was fortunate to have had), and all that is to come; I do not give him enough. praise.

God...I apologize for not praying to you as much as I should, but I want to thank you for keeping me still...

Freedom and peace are headed my way. I am ready to clean up what I messed up, start my life over again. I am ready to clear my phone of all remembrance of you. Stow away all trinkets and tokens that remind me of you. Destroy the thoughts, memories, and all actions that suggest negativity or bring back visions of the hurt and pain I have endured (brought on by myself and others).  The only thing that can stop me from achieving what God has planned for my life is me!

   What God has for me, it is FOR ME!

Married-To-Be

Being married is a dream I have had since I was a young girl. The older I got the more passionate I became about becoming a wife. Back in my college days, my friends and I would touch on the subject here and there, daydreaming of how we pictured our wedding day to be. I remember naively believing I would be married by the age of 25 and have all of my children (4 at the moment) by the time I turned 33. Now at the tender age of 35 in a half (yes I said and a half), I have become severely obsessed with the desire to be married and become Mrs. Anybody. 

Most of the guys I have dated for any extended period of time I dated with the intention of things growing serious and the possibility of marriage to be an option. Now, being that I did not want to scare any prospects away, I did not mention the idea of marriage at all to any of them. I was almost ashamed to verbalize the desire to date with the intention of marriage in fear men would tuck their tales and run. 

I Wish....

I wish you well
I wish you wealth
I wish you love
I wish you joy
I wish you happiness
I wish you growth and maturity with each day you grow older
I wish you peace
I wish you longevity
I wish you health
I wish you sunshine on your bleakest days
I wish for forgiveness to you and from you
I wish you all the things you could ask for and more
I wish you a happily forever after

I wish you well.....


~YWG

Be good to yourself

From the time I can remember - going even further to times I cannot remember (but others do), I have have severe difficulty handling relationships of all kinds. Then, I did not notice what was transpiring or how to address it. But as I have aged, I began to notice that something was very different about me and how I deal with my emotions and how I interact with others.

Never Can Say Goodbye: The Final Chapter - Love you Still

It is  Thursday, September 6th, 7:06 am. I am sitting at my desk trying to sort through my thoughts and slow down my racing mind. I am suppose to be here writing about my 1 year blog anniversary (that I missed on August 30th), but instead I am here to clear my mind of the events that have taken place over the last 3 weeks.

The end began just one day before I left for my cruise to the Bahamas, August 15th. I was having a conversation with Fairfield that started innocent and fun an turned out the be the beginning of the end of our relationship. One misunderstanding sabotaged the 4+ (almost 5) year long relationship/friendship I had with the man I believed would be my lifetime lover, friend, and partner.

I am in disbelief that someone I have spent so much time with and given so much of myself to, would-could walk away from me with nothing short of a second thought. We have at some point both threatened to cease communication with one another, but never managed to complete the task. But I am here today to tell you that that day has come, and it has come far to soon for me. I have been stronger than I imagined - not reaching out to him in the mist of his departure. But he has still managed to reach out to me 4 times over the course of the last 3 weeks. I have responded to some of his attempts and ignored others in order to prevent the pain from resurfacing it nasty little head. Each time I hear from him feels like the knife being inserted and ripped out all over again.

In Daddy's Eyes

Inspiration, motivation and determination come in many different forms from many different people. Some people are easily motivated while others need the force of a small army to help them through everyday life, (I am one of those people). It is often true that, although each of our journeys is different, they can be very similar when categorizing them in general scenarios. What I mean by this is you may have a friend who has been sick with an illness (other than your common cold) and struggled getting their health back on track, making ends meet due to overwhelming doctor bills, and so on. You too may have experienced some health scares of your own. You both dealt with your sickness in different ways as it may have affected your bodies in different ways, but you both know what it is like to have gone through a series of health complications. Our life experiences, though different, are sometimes very similar and allow us to share our stories and our experiences with one another in hopes of building a bond or just to show one another that you are not alone. No matter what we go through - it shapes the individuals we become. Surrounding yourself with people who love and care for you is so important and necessary (at least for me).