Quarantined

Today is March 29, 2020 and the world is in a major crisis. The pandemic outbreak of COVID-19 (the Coronavirus) has the entire world shook. People panicking, people dying, and some not reacting at all to the seriousness of it all.  Most states in the US have implemented curfews and shut down non-essential businesses. The world is in total chaos.

I set out to write a post this morning and had no idea what I wanted to write about, so I asked 2 of my friends if they had any thoughts. It was suggested that I blog about the current pandemic. At first I hesitated because my life has not changed much due to the 'mandatory' shutdown, so I decided to look back at my old posts and read a few for inspiration.

I Am Wounded

I am a lover. I am kind. I am caring. I am dedicated. I am worthy. I am lovable. I am beautiful. I am....

I am a monster. I am a sinner. I am a fraud. I am a liar and a deceiver. I am worthless. I am crazy. I am   a home wrecker. I am a fool. I am dumb and stupid. I am a failure. I am a betrayer. I am hopeless. I am weak. I am afraid. I am broken. I am negative. I am sarcastic. And I am to blame!

To All The Boys I Loved Before...

To all the boys I loved before......
Thank you for showing me what I don't deserve and teaching me that not every guy can be or will be for me. Thank you for causing my heart to break and shatter into a million pieces. It may have taken over a dozed years to stitch back the broken pieces that you each contributed to, but I learned so much through out the process. Thank you for sharing with me what I did right and what I did wrong (verbally & nonverbally). Thank you for the good times and the bad. Thank you for making me take the time to reflect, grow, mature, and discover who I am, who I truly am without YOU! Each experience, each lesson, opened my eyes to the qualities/characteristics I want and don't want in a partner/relationship. The pain you caused was worth it. I needed to feel it, to teach me not to go back there again......

What Happens Now?

Some call it desperation, others may call it hope, but there has always been 'something' inside of me that is immensely filled with love and hope. It is often an extremely overwhelming feeling. Because of the depth of love I feel, it often causes me to overdo and become overbearing. I want others to know and understand my genuine nature and judge me not for my mistakes or poor judgement.

When I Saw You!

At first sight.....
His smile was big. He was full of humor, but His jokes were oh so corny.
But shortly hereafter, the exchange was made and all the negative faded away.


I saw your potential. I saw your drive.
I saw your ambition, your eagerness to survive.
I saw your caring nature, full of compassion and love.
I saw your kindness and your tenderness too.
Your attentiveness and gentle touch were more than I had ever received.
Took me by surprise and at that moment you were golden to me.

Coming Home

Tears roll down my face as I physically and emotionally feel every. single. ounce. of. emotion..... from each character of the television show 'All American' on The CW Network. The lessons of patience, vulnerability, love, family, facing your past and admitting your wrongs, has brought an overwhelming sense of reality right to my doorstep. I am currently in a state of limbo, making more adjustments in my life, accepting on new things and welcoming new people into my life and this episode definitely hit home.

Episode(7) of season two is still tugging on my heartstrings. I feel someone somewhere is trying to get a message to me on the path in which I should follow now. I am not one who 'goes easily' or willingly makes changes in my life. It is usually a traumatic event that has occurred repetitiously over and over again that pushes me to make adjustments in my life. I am stubborn or a 'late bloomer' as my mother likes to refer to me as. I am learning as I get older, to not take so long in my transitions. I am pretty sure that I have prolonged a hell of a lot of blessings that would have come earlier in life had I been more obedient.

'Love' in Disguise

I gave my heart to the wrong one! I was seeking things I wanted and was blinded by what I didn't want to see. Looking back, I was so desperate for love that I did everything in attempt to gain it. Going above and beyond, giving more to him than I gave to myself, and I even went so far as to give wife privileges to a man (or lack there of) who couldn't even make me his 'Main' girl, let alone his actual girlfriend or wife!