A New Beginning: Part One

 Hi there…. It’s been a while, far longer than usual. It's been a bit harder to find the time to blog these days. Life is always moving at rapid speed and there just doesn't ever seem to be enough time in the day to get everything on my list of to-dos done. 

Auntie's Little Bean

Words cannot explain the excitement I feel or the love I have waiting for you. Your world is going to be filled with lots of hugs, tons of kisses, and an immeasurable amount of cuddles. 

Walking Heartbeat

 Son,

In 24 hours my life will forever change again. 

I've learned so much. Grown to higher heights. Gained more knowledge, and overcome so many obstacles! 

As I've made these changes over the last several years, I've become the person to uplift and calm others instead of the one breaking down and emotionally out of control. I've learned to trust myself to make better decisions. I've learned to be quicker to think and slower to react. And I've learned to be prayerful and patient, while working towards bettering myself and my life each day. 

As I lay in bed tonight, I'm awakened with anxiety and thoughts of how incredibly surreal this entire journey has been. It's definitely been a whirlwind. It's now coming to an end, yet beginning all over again. 

You are my second. You are my last. I've ridden this bus before. I've steered the car for years. But now I'm overcome with so many fears. More anxious than the first time. More worried about my ability to be the best mom I can be. 

Have I learned from my mistakes? Will I be able to juggle you both? A newborn boy and pre-teen girl. Two different stages in life. Praying for guidance and strength to be what each of you needs whenever you need me to be it. Building bonds as each of you grow, vowing not to ever allow either of you to feel overlooked, left out, or less loved. 

I promise to be attentive to your needs, to accept our similarities as well as our differences. I vow not to stifle your creativity, but to help you find your way. 

I hope to teach you how to treat yourself and others well. To respect yourself and others too. I hope to teach you that in this world, you must work hard to go far and that nothing will be handed to you. I hope to instill great values, morals, love, confidence, and strength within you. I pray I am able to equip you with enough knowledge to help you survive and navigate through life, but also teach you to seek answers and to do research on your own. 

It is my duty to help you understand how to build meaningful relationships. To pray and to trust in God. It is my responsibility to teach you that not everyone will love you or respect you because of who you are, who you become, or simply because of the color of your skin. You may not matter to everyone, but to someone you matter the most! Remember you matter to me. You are my everything. For you and your sister, I'd give anything. 

I promise to do my best to give you all that I can. I promise to be an open door. To be your listening ear, your guiding light, and comfort through any storm. I promise to be considerate, yet honest; forgiving, yet hold you accountable; critical but not cruel or condescending; kind to speak, give you room to make mistakes, and be here any time you fall to pick you up and encourage you to try again.  My grandmomma always told us all "nothing beats a failure but a try".  I'll always remind you of this and be here for you each and every time. 

May you never feel the need to keep things from me, to lie, or to steal. 

May you always feel loved and cared for. 

May you always know you can count on me. 

May you cherish every moment we have together as I will with you. 

May you know that I will from today and every day forth, love you with every beat of my heart. You are a piece of me, a part of me that I won't ever let go. 

Mommy will always and forever love you. 

Out of Darkness: Part I

 When you have lived in the dark for so long, you forget what the light feels like. You forget that the sun rays give you energy. Give you strength. You forget how it nourishes the body. You forget the joy. Dark clouds come but you cannot allow them to remain. 

Don't Rush Love, Let It Find You

Looking back over the years, remembering what I had, who I had, things and people I lost, has made me appreciate everything in my life ten times more. The struggles I have encountered and overcome have shaped the woman I am today. There have been good times, sad times, dark times, and times that have created lasting memories, lessons and blessings. 

What's Meant To Be

 They always say, what's meant to be will be. But how much truth lies in "what will be, will be?" it's just like faith without work is dead. You have to work for what you want in life, so why do we simply believe, what will be, will be? When there is a ob you want, do you just want it? Or do you apply for it? Learn about the company and what you can bring to the table? Do you do your best when you get that job, or do you show up late, half ass your duties and disrespect anyone and anything that isn't to your liking? So again, is 'what will be, truly what will be', if you don't put in the effort to get what you actually want to be?

As the ______Pages Turn

 

There are often pages written in each chapter of our 'Book of Life' that are left blank. Many chapters that have questions that have yet to be answered. There are also an uncomfortable number of missed opportunities in love, failed attempts to successfully climb the ladder to that dream career, and the struggle to unscramble letters you are trying to combine together to form a complete well put together sentence, yet instead they just rattle off nasty words, (said and heard), remember that all of these things have written the chapters in our book whether written or that currently remain blank.