7 Tips on How to Love a Broken Black Man

Friday, December 1, 2017

My experiences with the opposite sex have been far from  first-class, but I have learned so many lessons from each and every encounter. I by no means, consider myself an expert on love, especially given my history of failed relationships, but I am a sucker for love; a hopeless romantic. I wanted to share with you some of the things I have learned in hopes of preventing you from making the same mistakes I, and probably many other women, have made. These 7 tips on 'How To Love A Broken Black Man' are solely based on my experiences (both failed attempts & triumphs) of loving a broken black man.

1. TREAT HIM LIKE A MAN: When you are involved with a man (one you really care about)it is part of the protocol for to do your best to treat him like the man that he is, the man that he has hopefully proven himself to be. A man who is broken has often been torn down, belittled, mistreated and taken for granted. Because of these reasons, he most likely carries a shit ton of baggage along with him that he has most likely not had the time or effort to deal with. Sometimes as women, when we become enraged, we have the ability to say things that hit below the belt that cut deep, cause him to question his manhood and show him you do not view him as a strong man, provider or lover. In order to be able to treat him like a man you must believe in him, trust him, support his dreams, allow him to take the lead (when appropriate), communicate with him in a respectful way, pray for him and uplift him.  Do not put him down or dog him out. Not only are you hurting him (and demonstrating you are just like every other woman who has hurt him in his past), you are hurting the likelihood of your relationship lasting as long as you wish for it to last. Be kind. Be nurturing. BeYOUtiful things will develop for you together!

2. BE OPEN AND HONEST: Honesty, Honesty, Honesty! Just be straight forward. Telling lies and keeping secrets will destroy any and every relationship you  ever have. It will put a wedge in whatever you are trying to build with your significant other. Be transparent with your feelings but allow open dialogue between the two of you so that it is less likely for there  to be instances of misinterpretation. Use that honesty and openness to allow for easy communication so that if there is ever a difference of opinion, you are both able to speak your mind without things heating up and damaging it beyond repair. Honesty is so important. It is safe to say that his past relationship probably didn't work because there was little to no honesty at all in his past relationship(s). Let's just be honest ladies, there are just as many men out there who have trust issues  because we lie too! We may play victim more often than not, but we are NOT always as honest as we claim to be. Let's face it, some of us are sneaky, bold face liars. It may be hard at first for your man to trust that you are being open and honest with him when he come to you with an already broken heart and the inability to trust easily. Make it easy for him. It is up to you to prove that you are honest and forthcoming with everything, take that extra step to ensure him that you are being honest and that he can trust you. I am not saying kiss his ass but go the extra mile for your man girl! It will benefit you in the end. Even if it hurts, tell the truth. What happens in the dark always comes to light, and when it comes to light, it is always much worse than it would have been if you had been honest in the first place. Most people, including those stubborn men, will respect you more for telling the truth even if you have royally screwed up, than they will if you continually lie to their face. Little lies lead to cover ups that lead to bigger lies that lead to tearing down what you are trying to build up. 

3. TRUST HIM: This step goes right along with being open and honest so use them hand in hand, and believe him like you want him to believe you! Yes it is true, like the words of Yo Gotti & Lil Wayne; 'Women Lie, Men Lie" and that frightens us in our relationships. No one wants to be made a fool of. But if you do step #2 and remain honest with him(and he knows it), you are more likely to receive the same trust in return. At some point in our lives, we have all been hurt by our then boyfriend or girlfriend and (knowingly or unknowingly) taken that hurt, anger and bitterness with us over into a new relationship. When we do that it automatically causes unnecessary stress on your new man (trying to always prove himself to you). No one wants to feel they cannot be trusted. It is hurtful in itself. Constantly nagging; asking  "where are you". "where have you been and who have you been with", "why is it taking you so long to text me back, you must be with some chick", and so on and so forth. This would drive anyone insane. And it can't be good for you either constantly looking for something to 'bitch' about when there is nothing at all going on. Try and remember, your man may have gone through a rough relationship and may have trust issues of his own. Don't add fuel to the fire by accusing him of things he is not doing and having no trust in what he is saying. Now, please don't misunderstand me and allow yourself to be a fool. There is often quite a difference in a man trying to do right and a man who is clearly not ready to make a commitment to you or anyone else. Don't turn the blind eye and get played. But if you truly feel in your gut that you have a good man (and don't have solid proof of him being untrustworthy),then show him that you without a doubt do trust him. It will take you places you didn't think you two could go.

4. LET HIM KNOW HE IS WORTHY OF LOVE: We have all fallen short of perfection and done some things we are not proud of. Sometimes we may even have major regrets about actions and behaviors from our past, but this does not mean we are no longer deserving of love. Having the reassurance from you that you can and will still love him even though he has made some mistakes, could mean the world to him. He may have messed up, but who are you to judge his shortcomings? When you look in the mirror is it squeaky clean or are there stains and spots on it that you have yet to wipe off (before taking that selfie, lol).

Matthew 7:1-2 says; 1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

We all want to feel we are worthy of being loved by someone else so remember to show your lover that this also applies to him. Give him love and affection even when he doesn't ask for it. Men often have difficulty expressing their feelings so they won't always articulate when they want or need to be doted on. Use your clues to hone in on when your man needs your love the most, but don't limit it to only when he needs it! Surprise him with gifts, shower him in love (whatever your love language is between you) and tell him how much you care!

5. BE CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF: This is an area in which I have myself struggled severely, but I have learned that having confidence in yourself plays a huge role in how to love another person. If you yourself do not love or feel very confident in you, who else is going to trust and believe in you, or in any of the things  you say or any of the things you do. Believe you are just as worthy as the one you are with so that you are able to be strong in your relationship. Insecurities ruin relationships because they cause doubt, dishonesty, trust issues, low self esteem, and a less than positive outlook on life. And each of these are needed to help a relationship survive. Just remember that confidence translates into strength, honesty, trust, higher self esteem and positivity overall. You are amazing and your partner thinks so too, he doesn't want you sad and depressed all the time. You will both thrive when you are both at your best!

6. BE HIS HELPMATE, NOT HIS HEADACHE: Convey to him your support and undying willingness to help him achieve success. Give him guidance when he seems to stray away. Communicate with him that you are willing to compromise and make sacrifices for the good of your relationship. Show him that it is not all about what he can do to benefit you. Do things together, lend a hand, make things easier for him when you can. Don't bicker, argue, fuss, and fight every chance you get. Be a peaceful mate, be kind and be warm. Be inviting and fun. Helping him will bring you both closer and allow for more 'get-to-know-you talks and make for great company and entertainment. If your behavior is making it to where he would rather not be in your presence more often that he wants you around, you are being a headache. If he is becoming distant, less talkative and more agitated, then you know you have become more of a headache than a helpmate. Don't do it to yourself. It is hard to get yourself out of the headache category in his mind, trust me I know. He will probably hold on to the negative parts of your personality and your irritating behaviors that have caused him headaches in the past - even when you have turned things around in a more positive way. I believe it is the fear that you will go right back to being that reoccurring headache that can't seem to get rid of and makes him jump to the conclusion you haven't changed one bit. This is one habit you do NOT want to harbor in your relationship. Learn to be helpful and bring peace. Don't bring extra drama; you will both encounter enough struggles along the way both separate and together that any unnecessary bs make cause you to part ways and that is the last thing you want to happen. You will need to be his backbone in times of struggle and hardship not making him regret your presence. 
'Help(your)mate' and together you will blossom into
a strong, loving, unbreakable power couple!

7. PRAY FOR HIM: Pray for your man! Ask the Lord to bring him guidance, strength, courage, honesty and anything else you feel he needs/deserves. Taking the time to pray for him shows how deeply you care for him and what you are willing to do for him. I am not a super religious person but I do believe in the power of prayer, and patience. It has taken me a long time to really believe in my faith and to gain a better understanding of how the difference it can make. I have a testimony of my own now and know that when you pray for others and encourage them to pray for themselves, the Lord will begin to shift things in your lives so that greater things are able to flow in. 

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself (and your man,lol), and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
Marilyn Monore 

While these tips I have discussed may be used as a guide on how to love a broken black man, they are may or may not hold true in your own personal situation. These guidelines are solely based on my experiences being with broken black men. Please feel free to comment and add other ways that we together can begin to heal the black men (and women) of our communities with the love we have inside of us, and the love we are able and willing to give to others!


  1. Thank you for sharing. I hope your audience receives the wisdom you are trying to impart upon them.

    1. I'm glad you enjoyed reading this! Thanks for your support.

  2. 🌟Just found this! Very authentic article written with a sound understanding of what you've gathered in both wisdom & experience‼️ Profoundly relevant, especially in today's culture...in terms of therapy now being accepted as imperative growth and healing for black men.πŸ‘‘πŸ«‚
    What I see here is that you wrote this, as we say in the black culture, "before your time", and, of course, not in a literal sense but figuratively speaking. It was as if you wrote it before what would come to be accepted as a grace for black men, in the fact that they are broken & in the wisdom that they still deserve healthy love! πŸ†❣️ I see you SisπŸ₯³ Oan, I hear you too! Very well-written. Thank you


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