Do you believe in love at first sight? Ever met someone and from the moment you laid eyes on them, you knew they were the one? Well I have. The love of my life was born on May 8, 2013, and from the moment I knew she as growing inside my womb, I began to love her. For the past 4 years I have been a single mother to her and the only parent she's known. However, I am so fortunate to have the help of my parents, aunts, uncles, and a host of cousins and close friends, as I go through the joys... and the pains, of motherhood. It has been a true blessing thus far, but today I am feeling uneasy, uncertain and fearful about the transition that is about to take place in the near future.
In just a short time from now, I will be reintroducing my daughter to someone new. I am under undeniable anxiety pressures at the moment due to patterns previously established. I welcome the idea of this new relationship formation but am fearful of her initial reaction. Mind you, my daughter is, and has always been, very particular when it comes to meeting new people. She may love you, she may not fool with you at all, or she may warm up to you in time. It's almost like she has a sixth sense about people and their intensions. It is my goal to help her adjust to this new experience the best way possible but protect her at the same time. As many of you already know, from reading past blogs, I am currently rediscovering who I am in my personal life, so this curve ball that has been thrown is the scariest shit ever. I am so afraid that this will cause me to backtrack on the amazing progress that has already been made. The story behind the history of this mystery person previously established is one that you wouldn't believe if I told you, so I won't, lol (not now anyways). I am just trying to find my way; to find a balance, in this relationship so that it does not negatively affect my daughter.
I know this will be a journey I can learn from and one I can share with other women out there. I just want there to be peace, love, happiness, compromise and understanding all the way around. All this anxiety is creating a desire for me to release some major oxytocin right now, haha! Maybe I will go for a good Dose of Khandi instead to reassure me that if this works out (like I said, I have reason to doubt because of past patterns), it will be the best outcome for my daughter. I love her so much just the mere thought of her being emotionally wrenched rips my heart out. However, I am going to take the high road to condition and prepare myself to think positively about this new adventure and to pray for the best outcome. I can reassure you, I will need the undying support from my family and dearest friends as I walk into this head first. This situation will be another building block to becoming the woman I have always strived to be, not a setback that causes my demise.
As we near the close of this note, I am already feeling a release of pressure and my fears are slowly subsiding. Let's hope that the closer we get to "the day", the better prepared I will be. Aside from addressing my own personal health and wellbeing, my daughter and her wellbeing are my everything. I am a strong advocate of 'you must take care of yourself FIRST or there will be noting left for you to put towards the ones you love'. So because I am working on bettering me, I will be better for my daughter. She is my world even with her constant talking, singing, and endless questions, lol. She has taught me the meaning of adversity, strength, sacrifice and L.O.V.E.! I don't even want to think of my life without her.....which is why this new, unfamiliar territory is scary to me, and for her. She is passionately in love with all her aunts, uncles, cousins and especially her grandaddy! I want her to be able to take this new addition as an 'addition' and not as a choice she has to make. The love I have for her is enough to fill the largest universe, I want her to know that always and never to forget where she comes from.
Patience, understanding, support and love will see us both through this new hurdle. Our bond will only grow stronger and our love will grow immensely!!
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