I Do Not Know

Here we... well I go again! Spinning outta control, no where to turn, drowning in a sea of emotions, gasping for air, no life saver in sight.

Why must I be like this? Why must I give it ALL to ALL the wrong people. Why do I share myself, only to be used, emotionally abused, and ultimately let down? What is it about me that stamps me with this undying desire for men to come into my life - only for a while- and disappear with no warning, no explanation, no sense of compassion or concern?

I am sure I have been labeled. I am sure I have been laughed at. I am positive I have been the entertainment of 'boys night out and boys night in'. I seems that I am the epitome of a desperate, lonely fool begging for love in all the wrong places.

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I Didn't Go Looking For You

                     

I didn't go looking for you! You came looking for me. I didn't know if I was ready to start something new, something different....I didn't know if I was ready for you!

Turns out, in the beginning I wasn't ready. I should have waited until I was. I should have waited until Fairfield was gone. Trying to hold on to the old while trying to build something lasting with the new was clearly not what I needed to do. Storms came too early that neither of us could weather. Emotions and immaturity reared it's head and caused ruckus in the air. The calm came after the storm and I felt things were on a better healthier path. Little did I know a hurricane was brewing straight up ahead.

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