Doses of Khandi

Thursday, August 31, 2017

I know everyone has that one "go to"  remedy that can ultimately change your mood in an instance. It's like heaven on earth right?! Well I consider myself a late bloomer and I just discovered my own personal remedy for this just last year. I bet your thinking, just tell us already.... Well it's Khandi!! No, it's not your average melt in your mouth chocolate, or sweet and sour gummies. No now-a-laters or sweet tarts, just good ole' fashioned Khandi, or Khandi cane as I sometimes say. It's the one thing, or in this case - person, who helped me to patch up the wounds of my heart. My go to help me feel better remedy is my aunt Khandi. We only met one year ago but have grown closer than close, closer than most in this short period of time. She has inspired me to have faith in myself and to trust in the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ with all my heart. It is because of the pep talks with this amazing lady, and Jesus of course, that I have overcome depression, a bipolar diagnosis, relationship obstacles, baby-daddy drama and other personal struggles.

My doses of Khandi began in 2016 when I discovered she was my biological aunt on my mother's side of the family. I am adopted, so it was amazing to finally meet some of my biological family after 32 years of life. Khandi is a hard candy to melt, so I heard from her half sister-also whom I just recently met, but I managed to liquidize to her pretty quickly. Before we knew it we were texting and calling each other on a daily basis. During the time we met, I was going thru it with a guy I was seeing, back and forth with my daughter's father about visitation and such, as well as battling a newly diagnosis of bipolar syndrome (not to mention the regular daily battles of a working single mom).

Now I am not one who has ever had a full glass of self confidence or self esteem. I have always been fairly hard on myself. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of family members and a handful of dear friends who have uplifted me and been there for me throughout my lifetime, but meeting Khandi was just different. Once I began developing a relationship with her, we clicked right away. She got me and I got her. There were never any misunderstandings and always a ton of laughs, coupled with a few tears every now and then. She has allowed me to see her inner soul and genuineness of her heart. She is a hard working mother of 7 amazing children that has a heart of gold. Through our relationship, she has become my number one role model and friend. I am a believer in the Lord but not so much a believer in having faith that no matter what, God will see you through. I grew up in the church but had gotten away from the Sunday ritual of attending services and daily prayer. Not because I didn't believe, but because I had lost faith in myself due to low self esteem and depression. Khandi has been my rock and my listening ear. She reminded me the importance of steadfast prayer and belief that God will not leave me nor forsake me. She has taught me so much about patience, faith, and friendship. She also encouraged me to cease the negative self talk and hatred I had developed for myself. Whenever I started downing myself, she would happily call me Negative Nancy, Debby Downer and a few others she made up along the way (although I cannot recall them all at the momnt). But they ALL definitely jolted my attention. I had gotten so good about talking down on myself that I didn't even notice when I was doing it. But you can bet your britches that she caught it every time and called me out on it.
Khandi is always uplifting with her words even if she herself was going thru the growing pains of life. I often tell her," I want to have your strength and wisdom. I want to stop being this weak child and become a strong woman". No matter the situation she always knows the right things to say. She's always there for me and never judges me or my past. We can talk about anything together and the conversation just flows. We live across the country from one another so we have yet to meet in person, but I can  not wait for that day! I am going to hug her and hold on as tight as she will let me, for as long as she will let me. She is truly woman of the decade to me and I thank God regularly for bringing us together.

My daily doses of Khandi are the reassurance I need to know that everything is going to be alright. I just have to TRUST God and trust the process. I now tell myself, "He will not bring me this far to leave me". I have learned to lean on the Lord, believe in myself, go after my dreams and to be happy being who God has made me to be. I know that I am in a time of transition and although everyone may not like me during this process, God is not through with me yet. I know that one day soon I will have an abundance of LIFE and all it's gifts and I will be overflowing with joy and happiness. It is my duty to pass along the lessons I have learned and the love that I have received so that someone else may regain self esteem and trust in the Lord.

I did not get to this place alone. I did not get to this place easily. I have so many many people to thank for helping me along this journey, but a special thanks goes my my dose of Khandi, my sweet auntie, I LOVE YOU! Thank you for your love, your wisdom, your knowledge, and for sharing your life with me. We will continue to grow together in love!

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