Just Like You!

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

"In my dreams, I knew it'd be true. Growing up, I knew I'd look just like you. Something outta my control, secrets and lies unfold, someone hold me and let the truth be told. I was 30 years old when I began searching again to make myself whole. I needed cleansing and closure for my wounded soul".

Being an adopted child can bring about so many emotions. Some understood and some unexplained. I was 5 when I learned of this. Never did it make me not wanna be where I was, just made me curious of what she (biological mother) was like. At 16, 19, and 30 I searched for my roots and came up empty handed. I was informed at 19, she was uninterested in making contact with me. It hurt, but I moved on. I often thought about the 2 brothers  I learned that I had, and why she didn't want to meet me. I knew she was weary of meeting me because she had kept me a secret  from everyone in her life except her mother, my grandmother. I made myself understand and be okay with this, but it never stopped me from wondering where I came from and what we had in common. Years passed by and I didn't search for her. But one day I was sitting on the bed (after having my daughter) and something came over me. Something pushed me and the urge to seek out who she was, hoping her mind had changed, so I proceeded to find out who this woman really was.

We now live in the age of social media, so I took to social media to help me uncover my birth mother and finally put my searching efforts to rest. After my search, I came up with two possible ladies who it could be. The dilemma was determining if I was black (as I grew up) or biracial (as many thought I was). Growing up I was often mistaken for a biracial girl or a white girl. I know my skin is very light, but I never considered myself to be anything other than black (my nappy-kinky hair kinda sealed the deal, lol for me at least). But never the less, I took both into consideration. After passing along the photos I had found on their Facebook pages to both my best friend and my cousin, it was clear who my mother was. I had no doubt in my mind the case of the mystery mother was solved. After mustering up the courage, I went for it. I wrote her a message on Facebook, reaching out to confirm what I already knew to be true. What would come next I could have never imagined. After writing my sweet sincere note to her asking if it were possible she could be my birth mother, sharing a little about myself  and sending and then (baby) and now (30 years) pic, her reply was anything but nice. She came back replying that I didn't know her story or her business and that and asking that I not say anymore to her. She I knew then I had hit the hammer on the nail,(especially after she blocked me) and found my birth mom. Although I was shocked and hurt by the was in which she replied to me, I saw myself in her immediately. After failing to develop any type of relationship with her, I began to learn of other siblings she had and began developing relationships with those who wanted a relationship with me.

Since then, three, almost four have passed. I have met several members of my maternal and paternal families. I have developed a close relationship with 2 of them on my maternal side. And although I have met my biological father and some of his sisters, I do not have a relationship with them. I do not want to bash her nor give her a bad name, but since we have found one another,she has NOT been very nice to me at all. I did not ask to be here and I certainly did not ask to be mistreated or talked about. I would have (and do) understand her reasoning for not wanting to meet me to develop a relationship with me (something about the devastating way I came to be and the bad memories it caused), but I had nothing to do with that. It is not my fault but I am being treated as though it is.

At any rate, I can say I have my closure, I know what she looks like, and I have met my brothers. So I am beyond happy. And for those of you who are wondering, yes I look just like her, as I have said/thought since a child. There's no denying me when it comes to looks. All I can say now is I may look "Just Like You", but I certainly do not wanna be "Just Like You", I want to continue being the loving, caring, compassionate woman I've grown up to be. Not and old bitter woman who can't see the blessings for the pain.

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