When the Bough Breaks...

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Throughout life, we go through different obstacles, are faced with new challenges, and are forced to make some tough decisions that will eventually shape the person we are, will become, and the life that we will live. For me, as it may be for many of you, these times seem to come far too often. Though the issue may be of a different cloth, it takes a toll on you and causes you to continually reevaluate your life and the people in it (which isn't so bad afterall). 

Over the years I have learned that people have a tendency to grow apart, friendships end, and relationships dissolve. Although I know this to be true, I have always personally found it very difficult to let people go. It is hard for me to accept that a once perfect friendship/relationship is no longer so prefect. However this is one of the areas in my life in which I have been working hard to change and feel I have been somewhat successful in my efforts to evaluate and change the dynamics of my relationship with the people in my life. 

In light of recent events in my life, I have discovered, that I am stronger and more self-sufficient in who I am. I have been able to stand up for myself in ways I would never have been able to before. Prior to the internal, personal enhancements I have made both emotionally and mentally, I would have cowardly stood back and hid behind the hurtful, shameful words others have used to describe me. I would have unconsciously become defensive and blurted out things I later wish I could take back. But now I can stand in my truth and be my own backbone without feeling inferior to others. 

When a person comes to you trying to make you do or say something and you refuse to bow down to the reign of power they think they have over you, it causes you, well me, to rethink that persons true intentions and the genuineness of their relationship. Being told that I am a liar, untrustworthy, an attention seeker-both positive and negative, and being told 'I feel sorry for you' are words that I feel a person who doesn't know you can not say to you in all honesty because they do not know who you are. Although these words hurt me, I now know my worth. I let the nasty untruthful words go in one ear and out the other. However I will not forget them or the maliciousness that was spewed my way, I will not internalize these statements nor will I become them, like I would have allowed myself to before. 

With people like me, people who look for acceptance (to be liked by all-yes it is unrealistic, but I am a lover lol), a person who is just becoming comfortable within herself and building self-confidence (that I never had before), it can truly be damaging and cause a set back to hear such demoralizing words. To be made to feel inferior, less than, like nothing, is cruel and uncalled for. This may sound so elementary to some of you reading this, but until you know someone with low self-esteem or have have been that person with low self esteem; someone who has taken the negative words others have said about you and internalized them until you believed them, you may never understand what I am describing. It is hurtful to hear empty accusations, alternative facts, and opinions from someone who doesn't know you well enough to make those claims. How can a person who has never had a conversation with you about your life draw such absurd conclusions directed at your character?

Hence I have learned that some people just aren't meant to be an intimate part of your life. I have accepted that there are seasons of friendships /relationships and they don't all last for forever. When you are trying to do better, be better, and strive for better, the devil will always rear its ugly head. Sometimes in forms that are closest to you that were unforeseen. I am glad that I have learned to love myself and stand up for what I believe in and for myself. It is a feeling like no other. I have allowed myself to understand that sometimes, because of peoples actions, its time for them to exit your life, no matter the role they play. 

To those of you who are reading and have low self esteem, build yourselves up. Write down a list of your good qualities. Repeat those positive affirmations to yourself daily and say them until you believe them. They are already true, you just have to build yourself up to be able to give off that positive energy instead of becoming who they say you are. No one can determine your way in life but you. Think positive and your life will be positive. This does not mean hard times won't come. It may even mean tougher times are coming because you are working so hard at increasing your worth and your happiness. But keep on pushing through. Not everyone wants you to succeed, but as long as you want it and work towards it, the naysayers DO NOT MATTER! Stand up for yourself but remember to be respectful to those who try and bring you down in spite of you trying to come up. You respect yourself by respecting others!

To those who recently felt  disrespected by my words, I apologize. Not for the sternness in my stance for myself, but for the harshness of my language. However, I will not tolerate being belittled, knocked down and destroyed any longer. Its time to take a stand and be my own voice. 

There are times when words have been exchanged, feelings exposed and memories made that can't be erased that eventually cause the bough to break.......

1 comment

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