To all the boys I've loved before, I still love you......
for teaching me to love myself! My mother has always told me (and countless others) that I am a late bloomer, even as a child. She will vow that not only do I choose to learn things the hard way, but that I learn them, far later in life than the 'norm'. I should probably ask her where she attained that standard from and request it in writing.
Anyhoo, I have always loved hard. Whether it be when dating, a platonic relationship, friendship or family relationship. I love hard and I love quickly. I can however admit that without shame. I nosedive head first, into the deepest end of the pool, where unless you're a gold star swimmer, the water will take you under in the blink of an eye. But for me, loving is the norm! It’s always been easy for me to love and to be loving. The problem is that I haven't ever been the best at discerning the red flags waving in the wind before I get wrapped up too tightly storm.
Finally after years and years of getting it wrong I found my better half. Finding the one meant for you can come in any stage of life. Some middle school some in their later years, and some in the darkest moment of your life. I fall somewhere in the midst of all that. When I was younger I believed that I'd be among the crowd who got married in my late 20s to mid 30s... I didn't, and I still haven't. But God knows the plans he has for me, HIS child, in HIS timing, not mine. After many years of searching, seeking, being blindsided, ignoring warning signs, being hurt, being let down and abuse. I gave up. Not because I no longer wanted love or a companion, but because I became okay with myself. I chose me. I decided to make time to learn me, to love me. I was okay not needing to subject myself to a man or the idea of partnership that just didn’t fit. And as cliche' as it is, a numerous times it is proven to be true. Once I stopped wanting, stopped needing, stopped searching, stopped marching to the beat of my own drums, God sent me the man he hand made just for me.
To all the boys I loved before, I’ve found the ying to my yang. The peanut butter to my jelly. The last piece to my puzzle. But of all the things he is for me, I’m most grateful that he is the Calm to my Storm! I tell everyone this because it’s the best way to describe the peace, love, and comfort he brings to my life. When I’m moving too fast, he reminds me to slow my pace and take my time, when I’m hard on myself he reminds me of all the amazing things I do and how remarkable of a woman I am. When I’m stressed, he comforts me in every way. When I news my space, he’s understanding (most times), and allows me that time to sit with my thoughts and emotions.
Everything isn’t always picture perfect. Things don’t change unless we make efforts to better ourselves individually and collectively. And e we do. There may have even been times each of us may have questioned if we’re worth fighting for, but I know we are. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder and strengthens the love between two people. Well now I’m also a believer that death has the power to do the same.
You’ve held us down for so long. Eased my pain and soothed my soul. I can only pray that I return the sentiment to you each and every day as we navigate this new chapter in our lives and in our relationship. There’s no place is rather be. No other man I’d rather walk through life with. No one else I want to make forever memories with. You are and will always be the call to my storm, the beat to my track, the lyric to my song.
Forgive my impatience
Forgive my sense of urgency every minute of every day
Forgive my insecurities
Forgive my lack of trust
May we be led to ensure God is at the center of our relationship. Allow us to continue to grow and learn more about each other day after day. Understand that without me there is no you and no you without me; but still maintaining who we are as individuals. Through the good and the bare, the happy and the sad, we have remained by each others side, and by your side I will always be.
Lean on me when you need to. Trust I won’t ever let you fall.
Trust in me, and believe I will won’t let you down.
Hold my hand, I will not let go.
Cherish me. I’ll cherish you.
Love me forever, I’ll love you for eternity.
To all the boys I’ve loved before, thank you-
My boaz needs me. My lobster found me. My man loves me. My future husband awaits.
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