Grandma's Hands

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

                  A family that prays together, stays together...... 
That's what the old adage says right? 

For some, family is very meaningful and taken very seriously while others gloat about being okay all by themselves because they trust no-one and 'family ain't never done nothing for me' (did I get that right). Well, for me my family is all I have ever had and all I have ever known. However the strength and connection of the relationships do differ, as a whole everyone has always been pretty supportive of one another. 

Stories told to me by others throughout the years, movies depicting family feuds on the screen, books painting pictures of family love verses family hate have all been a figment of imagination to me thus far because there has never been a huge blow that caused separation between my family. But this time it was like an earthquake--shattering lives and separating bonds.

When do you draw the line with family? How much do you tolerate? Do you  walk away from family? Do you disown them and act as though they never existed? When damage is done to the relationships within the family, how do you repair it and heal the wounds? How do you move past such a devastating blow that stirred up so much discord?

By definition family means:
1. a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household.
2. all the descendants of a common ancestor.

But how do YOU define family? 

For most, family is a connection or bond that is not necessarily restricted to being blood related. Relatives can be adopted, married in, or 'claimed' without legal documentation solidifying the standard definition of 'family'. Some families are very close while others are very distant. Sometimes there has been some sort of conflict that separated family members from one another and other times it can be traveling distance. As people age, find love, follow career paths they often move away to different cities or states. 

I have taken great pride in being an active member of my families, both maternal and paternal. Although I am closer to some members, I do my best to attend family events, make visits, call and message my family as often as I can. I treat family as a blessing. It is not something everyone is able to have so I cherish my family and the time we have to spend together. I have been very fortunate that at the age of 35 I have lost very few close family members in death. I have 3 deceased grandparents, all of who were up in age at the time of their passing. My fathers mom (who my daughters named after) was my last grandparent to pass away (3 years ago) and she was 99. So I truly consider myself very blessed to still have so many of my family still alive, healthy, and well. 

Needless to say, we are a close nit family, so it was most traumatic to experience the worst blow and deepest disconnect between my family. When families argue things are said that are hurtful and cannot be taken back. But in my family, we have always been able to come together at some point and resolve any issues that have gone on. But this time THAT IS NOT THE CASE. It's been approximately 2/3 years since the situation that separated us occurred and some of us have yet to speak to one another. I am an emo-girl so you know it is difficult for me. Yeah, I'm that girl in the beauty pageants who wishes for world peace. Yep that's me! I am growing myself as an individual each day so I have come to be able to let some things go--the things I cannot change and its working well for me. But I love my family, everyone in it --aunts, uncles, parents, grandparents, cousins and everyone between. So it does pull on my heart strings when we are unable to make a mends and heal together as we have always done in the past. 

My family will agree with me when I say our family was built on the backs of my grandparents. My grandma especially. She has a heart of gold and has touched every life she's ever been in. Even in the current state of her disease being unable to speak for years now, her care takers have developed a love for her because they too feel the love she has always given us as a family. Can you imagine being able to give and show love to others without the ability to speak, or ambulate? Man when I tell you this woman is like no other I have ever met in my life. When she was able, she'd tell you like it is. She showed love but would also put you in your place when need be to help you get your ass back in the space you need to be in. 

I remember one time I had come home from college. I was depressed and suicidal becuase of recently breaking free from and abusive relationship. My mom dropped me off to my grandmothers house, she opened the door and very bluntly said to me 'What the hell is wrong with you, you are wilting away'. She proceeded to let me in the house and ask me why I was so skinny (yup she yelled at me because she said I looked sick). Yep the relationship caused me to lose a lot of weight. I didn't even weight 100 pounds. Grandma was NOT having that and made sure to feed me the entire time I visited with her.  I have so so many stories of my time with her. But in that moment it reminded me that FAMILY will be there for you no matter what (as long as you let them). It reminded me that she cared about me and my well being.

I know that when the time is right things will work out the way in which God has designed them too. And in my heart I feel my grandmother, who has been suffering from Althezimers disease for some years now has been holding on because she is waiting on us to 'FIX THIS SHIT' as she would probably say if she could, before she takes her last breath. It breaks my heart knowing how much she and my grandfather loved their children. They worked so hard for them to have better and taught them to stick together...and to see them all so distant with tension and turmoil amongst them. They are both in utter disbelief I know it...I can feel it. 

I can only keep praying that we get it right, that we FIX THIS SHIT, and I hope we are able to do it in time! 

Communication is key and love isn't always enough.......

I will leave you with my favorite scripture:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5

 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6

 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7
 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8
 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

May we each find it within ourselves to forgive. May we each find it in our hearts to love again. May we each find peace in our souls. May we one day be fortunate to reunite as a family and become whole again.

I love each and every one of you. I wouldn't trade any of you. 

Love always~

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