Be good to yourself

Thursday, March 28, 2019



From the time I can remember - going even further to times I cannot remember (but others do), I have have severe difficulty handling relationships of all kinds. Then, I did not notice what was transpiring or how to address it. But as I have aged, I began to notice that something was very different about me and how I deal with my emotions and how I interact with others.




At the age of 30/31 I was really struggling socially, emotionally and mentally to adjust so I decided to begin a self evaluation of myself as well as to seek counseling for some unbiased advice and ultimately receive help to resolve these issues. I began to realize that my emotions and some of my actions were very hard to control. Seeking advice from a professional was my way of taking the leading role in my own self care. Mind you, I am not like this all of the time, but there has been a definite cycle of this in my past. I am beginning to see this cycle to be more evident, when I am dissolving of a relationship with someone of the opposite sex.

I have a hard time letting go. I overthink, over rationalize, and convince myself that there is a reason this person has been brought into my life. If I put it very bluntly, I lie to myself about why I think that person is and should remain in my life. I tend to swing the negative aspects of the relationship into endless possibilities that could ultimately turn out to be a positive (crazy right!).



When I began this journey of self discovery, reflection and growth, I had no idea the things I would discover about myself.



Some of the things I have learned about myself I am ashamed to admit, some I am reluctant to accept, and some I am proud to have uncovered. Nevertheless, I must say this journey has been one heck of a rollercoaster  ride thus far and it is all just beginning. I will not allow myself to stop just because some days are less blissful than others. I will not run way because things do not go my way. I will not surrender my life to others and lay down and be walked over.

Lately, my days have been like walking thru the fog in the dark. I know where I am going, but I cannot see how to get there. The light I see only makes the fog harder to see through and adds yet another distraction. My anxiety is heightened and my grip on the steering wheel of life gets tighter. Holding on trying to make it through another day.

I want to learn to love myself. I want to smile more than I frown. I want to be excited more than I am anxious and depressed. I want to care less about what others think of me and allow my own thoughts of myself to shine through. The time I am putting into my self care, I do not take lightly. It has become very meaningful to me and I feel it is necessary in order to provide myself with peace and healing. Some people currently in my life are going to have to be left behind. Some behaviors I will have to change, negative thoughts must vanish, and confidence will have to grow.


I promise myself from this day forward that I will take pride in my journey to learn, grow, change, heal and love myself. No matter what obstacles am faced with along the way, I will invest in myself, develop a self care maintenance plan, and continue to re-evaluate myself each and ever day. I will no longer neglect to take care of ME!



❤️ BBG








1 comment

  1. It took me a while to not care about what people thought about me. Now, I just don't care. I'm trying to be the best version of myself.

    ReplyDelete

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